I’m planning for my holidays
I’m trying Spain for size
I’m flying Wigan Airways
‘Cos they’ve got bestest pies

The stewardesses aren’t much cop
but let’s not be too hasty
‘cos they’re the best at wrapping meat
in coats of shortcrust pastry

There’s no champagne or canapés
But just for me and you
As soon as you have took your seat
They show up with a brew

The are no in-flight movies
Or choice of latest tunes
But they always have a sing along
To pacify the loons!

Although it isn’t far to Spain
It can take blooming ages
Last time I read war and peace
And that’s five hundred pages

At last we got there late at night
And touched down on the ground
Then pilot got the landing fees
By having a whip round

I don’t think I’ll fly back with them
I can’t take any more fear
I’ll go with Wigan boatways
‘Cos it goes right to the pier!